I used to be really critical. In fact, looking back I was probably the most critical person I knew – but I didn’t know it. Neither my children or husband could make a step without me pointing out a flaw. And here I had the biggest flaw of them all. Critical thinking is a positive skill to have. My flaws didn’t resemble any like this.
Our home was a toxic place. Yelling was a common occurance. I made it difficult to feel happy in our home. As our kids grew up I became more and more critical (especially as they entered the teenage years). It was about this time that my good husband had the wisdom to help me curb this horrible attitude I had. Some friends had listened to some marriage CDs and on there it challenged them to go 24 hours without being critical. They are wonderful people and had a difficult time. I thought that I could do it. I was wrong. Day after day after day I couldn’t go very long – minutes sometimes – without having to start over.
After a couple weeks of this the realization came of how bad I had become. My husband told me that being critical was not in my job description any more. It was better for me to be silent. Instead, he would do it. And that included the discipline.
So I shut up. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Any time I found myself being critical I stopped, turned around and walked away. The most amazing thing happened. My children became more happy, my relationship with my husband improved and I realized I could let things go that I have never been able to before. It was freedom.
I’m now to a better place of balance. I can discipline without being overly critical. I’m not perfect, but so much better than I ever have been. So much more happy.
-Anonymous
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Things to think about:
- Can you go 24 hours without criticizing?
- On a scale from 1:10, how toxic are you in what you say and how you say it?
- What have you found to help you not be so negative?
- How do you approach someone else who needs help?
